Sick of living.

So for about the past week or so, I have gone to bed listening to 'Can you feel the love tonight?' by Elton John, or 'Hero' from Enrique Iglesias. After I pick which ever one for that night, I put it on repeat and have a cry. It sounds so pathetic, but it just happens. I think about suicide alot these days. Wondering who would actually miss me if I was gone, where I would do it, ect. It's on my mind alot. I know I shouldn't be bitching and moaning about how shit my life is, because let's face it, there's so many people worse off than me. Life just sucks for me at the moment and I really wish it didn't.

On the family front, Amber finished school, and moved near the Sunshine Coast with the boyfriend. All I know is that's her plans for now. She came to say goodbye to mum and all of us about a week ago. The only thing she said to me was that I had lost weight and I looked funny. Ah, thanks.

Brad is still in Warwick. After all his guilt trips to me about moving to Brisbane where he'll have no-one, he's still here. I haven't heard from him since Thursday last week where he called me 40+ times in 20 minutes. I told him to back off otherwise I'd get a restraining order. (Not that I ever would because I think it's mean).

Dad admitted to me on the way home the other night that he's over everything. He told me that he didn't want to live anymore, and all this stuff about hating life. I couldn't believe it. It's dad. The one who always says to get on with life and all that. I can tell he hasn't been that happy, but I didn't know it was that bad. I'm not sure what to do, but I'll have to think of something. And before any of you tell me that he has to go see a counsellor or something like that, you're wasting your time. He won't. Which I don't think would help him anyway.

Work sucks still. I wish I knew what it was like to be appreciated. Kate (my boss for administration) just storms right up to me, no hello, and gives me a list of jobs that she should be doing for me to complete. I'm so over it. I get to work an hour and a bit early every day - WITHOUT PAY. I just wish I could get a simple thankyou.

The only nice thing that is going well in my life is the prospect of moving out mid next year with Sarah. I can't stand Warwick anymore. I feel closed in here and I'm not going anywhere. I want my P's and a cheapie car before I move down. Then I'll be able to come up and visit the fam on the weekends. Sarah and I also have to get furniture and crap like that, although I do have alot of housey things that Brad made me take back from his house.

Well that's my blunt and stupid update. I'm sorry to the people who read this if it comes out rude (especially to you Tara, because I blogged for you :D) but I'm just over everything right about now. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, where I want to go, who I'm going to be.

I've never felt so depressed in my life.