I'm a stupid fuck.

So I'm sitting on a bathroom stool, locked in the bathroom on a Saturday night. God, my life just keeps getting better.

Brad's staying tonight. I thought I'd talk to him about moving back to Brisbane and he took it the wrong way. I understand where he's coming from in some things, but it's like he's holding me back.

I can't stand Warwick. I officially think I'm at breaking point right about now. I had two cranky customers today, and it's been the worst working Saturday of my life. Thanks to these two Warwick idiots, I may be counceled on Tuesday. It's really the last thing I need right now. Just when I think nothing can get any worse. The worst thing about it, is that I can't talk about it to anyone. You can't talk to anyone at work about it, because they probably have other things on their mind/there's always that chance that they're related to the person, and Brad thinks I'm the one in the wrong.

I miss Brisbane, and I miss my friends.

Sad.

I'm at a loss.
I have no idea what to do anymore, what I'm doing with my life, what I'm going to be.

Brad tried killing himself the other night. Slit his wrists. There was blood everywhere. I blame myself. I'm still shocked that I came a smidget from losing him. It was pretty intense. He says he's depressed because his family doesn't talk to him anymore, or make an effort to come to Warwick for a quick visit. He's also fighting with his best friend, and he's upset that he hasn't made any close friends in Warwick, and that I talk to my guy work friends at work (or any guy really). I feel so guilty all of the time, it's my fault he moved up to Warwick away from his family and all his friends. It's my fault I have guy friends. It's all my fault why he tried killing himself.

He finally got a job at the Big W Distribution Centre here in Warwick, but now doesn't go because he's depressed. He went and saw the hospital yesterday and he has a month off working. Hopefully this will do him some good.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel this strain on our relationship. Sometimes I don't acknowledge my guy work friends to save Brad from getting upset. I feel so argh.